Hello everyone. 

I honestly wasn't prepared to ever update this again and I doubt anyone really remembers me. But for anyone who does and have been wondering what's happened to me in the wake of Black's passing, I'm posting this for that reason.

I am an active BackLoggery member and you can find me here: www.backloggery.com/shadowstar… After Black died, I spent a lot of time collecting and playing games we both loved. I decided to put my energy into that and it did help, although not my wallet so much. I binge spent a lot of money as a means of trying to heal myself...didn't really work. But one bit I did sink a lot of money into that I'm very happy for is I adopted a pug in February 2016. My pug puppy, named Chaos after the FF1 villain, has grown up into a lovable, rolly-polly boy and he's helped me heal immensely from the loneliness.

I tried going back to my job at the retirement home but they pretty much weren't hiring. I did get a job as an overnight cleaner in a country club, but it was immensely shady and very poor as a job. I was working only 4 nights a week at 5.5 hours and the pay was going directly into my pocket with no taxes being reported. The village I was living in, while my first home and the place I will always hold dear to my heart, did not have many job opportunities and I was running out of the money Black had left me. It was not a good situation.

I was battling depression and grief all by myself while this was going on. I did take trips back to my mom's, but as I lived in Ontario and she in Quebec...it wasn't always that great. I was very alone. No close friends and no family within distance. My only friends were in England.

As a result, I ended up clinging intensely to the BackLoggery website I'm active on. I met some fantastic people on there and became a part of the community. It's such a great place and they have now become my family. 

And the biggest bombshell of all...something I didn't expect to happen for a LONG time happened. I met a man on there and we ended up falling in love. He knows all about my past and what had happened with Black, but he was still willing to accept me with all my emotional baggage and help me unpack it. He goes by the nickname Bear and he's an absolute saint. He's very similar to what Black used to be, but still his own person. He didn't live too far from me, but he does live in America and I lived in Canada...so we started a plan and have now seen it through. I completed the immigration process to move to America and have married him. I've lived here for three months now and, while it's not the most perfect thing, it's definitely better than living alone without any prospects. I went from living completely alone to living in a house with five other people, him included. I can't work yet because I don't have a work permit, but it's on its way. Job opportunities are everywhere here. All I need to do is grab one.

While I wait for my work permit, I've been working on many other things at home. I've been training Chaos more, working on my cooking skills, learning French, working out to lose weight (I gained a lot through all the stress from 2015-2016) and I'm even working on a novel. It's about a young widowed woman who suddenly gets the opportunity to become the new Grim Reaper. It's got drama, romance, suspense and plenty of supernatural elements in it. I'm still in progress but my aim is to get it published one day. It's current title is Bridge of Ashes.

So...life has pretty much been a complete 180 since my last entry. 

If you would like to stay in touch with me, I have a twitter account now: twitter.com/ShadowStarEXE Send me a follow and I can do the same. 

I would not expect anymore fanfiction from me...I think that chapter of my life has been closed forever. I like looking back on it from time to time when I'm feeling particularly nostalgic and I also love that I've touched many people's lives with my work. Both Black and I took pride in our writing and I think he'll rest better, knowing I've taken the passion we shared to a new level of creativity. I know he's probably also very jealous of my new husband, but would not want me to be alone, either.

I will always love him. That will never change. But I'm still alive and have a life to live now...even though it's without him, I will survive. I know I'll see him again someday but it's not that time now. Until then I'm living for me and making him proud.

Yeah...abrupt and out of nowhere.

Then again, I suppose I haven't actually been active enough to say this, but what the hell. I don't want anyone thinking I'll be back to writing.

I've lost so much more than my husband in these past few months. I lost my source of inspiration, my muse, my partner and any real motivation I had to get back into writing. Whenever I come up with ideas, I just stare at the page...and the whole pain of losing my husband becomes real and fresh again. 

It doesn't help that my main genre of fanfiction was romance. I used to love writing it because I always included elements of my relationship with Black. We had so much trust, love and respect for each other and I used that as a basis for relationships I depicted in my stories.

I just...can't capture that again. I really can't.

I'm much too busy trying to put my life back in order...but I'll be honest, it's not much of a life worth living anymore. I don't even know why I'm still here or why I have to be. 

I'm still active here. Faving/running, commenting when I want to and I'll respond to any message sent to me when I'm able. But I'm not posting anything anymore. I just can't and I won't anymore. 

Honestly, I hate coming here. Too many bad memories, especially concerning one evil woman. I'm glad she's not active on here anymore. She's off gaining more attention for nothing on Tumblr. 

...oh, did I say that out loud? Oh well. 

See you around. If anyone does want to know where I'm the most active, it's on Backloggery. Here's mine: backloggery.com/ShadowStarEXE It doesn't have a forum or anything, but it's a neat place to join when it comes to gaming.

Bye.

P.S: What I said back on regiinator's account still holds true: if any of his works are sighted anywhere else but here and his fanfiction account, you can inform me by messaging me on here.